Grief and Loss

Poem – Heart connection

There is nothing pretty about pain, there is nothing pretty about a broken heart.

It’s quite astonishing to grow a baby. Until you first see the little bean shaped teddy bear, you don’t quite believe it. The tiny silver flicker galloping loud like a race horse, smaller then a grain of rice. For me it was mind blowing.

I’ve had 6 hearts beat inside me. Three were but a flicker and then nothing more and three grew into my children, but one of those children died.

Our heart connection is there from the very beginning. It’s the first sound they hear, the first comfort they’re drawn to. Our hearts are ever binding us together.

I know the feeling of a heart stopped beating. I’ve cradled it in my arms. When Alexander died, I literally felt myself break.
I often picture my heart as glass. Delicate like fine china. Smashed into millions of tiny pieces. I often lay my hand on my heart like a whisper, to find the places in which it is broken. My life since he died has been glueing those tiny pieces back together. Ever so slowly.

My heart beat, then it beat for him, then it beat with him, now it beats without him.

I love him without knowing how or when or from where. Our heat connection will always be there.